Breath of Heaven

This has been one of my favorite Christmas songs for years so please do not think for a second I am comparing myself to Mary, but I always cry the first time I listen to that song - every year without exception. This year, it made me cry a little more.

Bill brought the girls home from school early today because Morgan is in the Nutcracker and has dress rehearsal tonight and Abbi is on an allstar soccer team and they have practice tonight. Anyways, they came home and Morgan and Abbi was so excited because a package came from www.stringofpearlsonline.org and I let them open it with me and it was this basket full of keepsakes for making memories with Michael. I received a care package from a friend almost immediately after we received our diagnosis. Her son was stillborn last year and we are pregnant and due around the same time. She sent me a bunch of reading materials for pretty much everyone in the family along with some similar suggestions. I know things will not keep him with us and I know everyday I am pregnant is one day less I have with him, so these things and these gestures mean everything to me. The emails I get from people, are so amazing and I sometimes do not respond but never because I do not appreciate them. I am so thankful for everyone and everything, but still I am on this journey.

Bill asked me what I wanted today - not in a bad way, in a what are we aiming for way, and I answered (funny enough) I want Michael healthy so we can keep him. He is so sweet, he said well, we don't get to keep him so keep thinking. I think a lot...

I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you. Jeremiah 1:5

I get a fair amount of questions regarding our decision to continue the pregnancy with Michael, we are because we feel we are not God and He has to make that decision. While I appreciate everyones concerns, Michael is not suffering. I am uncomfortable, but my health is stable for today, Bill and I have made this decision...together, one breath and one day at a time.