A parents love is unconditional - it just is. It does not matter what they look like or what problems they have or the birth order, they are children/babies and they are all special. Michael likes mashed potatoes and he does a little happy dance when I drink cranberry juice, that is especially fun. I will try to remember all of these things. My first, Jessica loved Italian food and McDonalds hot fudge Sundays (with nuts), Abbi loved fruit (specifically strawberries) and Morgan loved Mexican food -ok, I know I was eating it, but they were all happy when I ate it and did little jigs and sweet Michael is no different. Bill and I know the harsh reality that looms for Michael, and the decisions we have made to carry him as long as we both are capable. We are sad that he is not intended for us to keep. Our faith and love for each other and our family are what is helping us make these difficult choices. We have been given this child and while I am terrified every other moment, right now he is very much alive and right now and I know there are risks for me as well, but I have a peace with my care and convictions so pray we make the right choices and I would really like to meet Michael, but if it is not meant to be please pray we have peace with that too. If you are out there, please, please pray that Michael is at peace now and when he goes home. My wishes are not for me right now but for him and any parent understands that. I want him to be at peace in his short little life. I want to make the best choices for him. It is not about me, it is about him and whatever is best for him, that is what we want for him.
I have a 1:00 appointment today so keep your fingers crossed as every appointment seems to NOT be uneventful right now. My blood pressure creeps up when I get out of bed, so I am concerned my doctor may say no more, you are done. I have been good, staying in bed, taking my medications, I feel fine, I do not feel ready yet but I will keep posting...because, I am trying to remember everything I can right now. I know this is a short stop, I know it is not forever, I know life will go on and I know we will all be ok, but I want to remember, I have to remember everything I can.
Keeping everything crossed that your BP stays down and you can keep Michael safe inside for a while longer.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to read about your little boy. This must be devastating for you.
ReplyDeleteIt is my belief that your son will be handled with only the most gentle hands of angels when he is taken from you.
I pray you are able to carry him as long as you can.
Ashley
Dear Jodi,
ReplyDeleteWe haven't seen each other in a long time (we met through Steph when you both were in law school). Then it was Kristy Kelleher, now Peddy.
Stephanie told me about what you and your family are going through and I am so saddened by it and in awe and incredibly proud of your strength.
I just wanted to let you know there is one more person praying for you and your family. Your outlook (from reading your blog and talking with Steph) is truly an inspiration and a huge reminder to not sweat the small stuff.
Thoughts and Prayers,
Kristy Peddy
You all have no idea how much your comments mean to me ~ thank you, thank you I can not thank you enough. Shalan - you are too kind and Ashley thank you too. Kristy, of course I remember you. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I have thought of you so many times over the years as I know how much you have endured, so thank you and you are so right not to sweat the small stuff.
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