Such a wiggle worm

I can not help it, he is just so stinkin cute. We got to see him and he looks so sweet ~ he kept shaking his head no while they were doing the ultrasound, which I will attempt to post. He was very active again and his heart sounded great. He was keeping up with his growth 3 weeks ago and unfortuneately, as expected, that has slowed down. He is now in the 22nd percentile and this is expected to continue. His kidneys still look ok, his cysts are about the same with the fluid continuing and his heart is still enlarging. I noticed clenched little fists today, which was not noticed before. I saw a new doctor today and he was very kind, but he walked in and did not know initially that we had already been diagnosed with Trisomy 18 and asked us based on the markers if maybe we would consider testing, which actually was understandable based on what they are seeing now. We told him that we already had the amnio and confirmed Trisomy and he then took a few moments to look at our file and slowed way down to talk with us. My blood pressure was up in the 148/100 range so not great, but the true problem is that at this point Michael is now slowing down. It is hard to hear that as we knew the prognosis and yet, still somehow we all hoped for something a little different, you know one of those stories with a happy ending perhaps a miracle? I have more fluid this time, which explains why I am so uncomfortable. He is also breach which is upsetting, because they are not letting me go more than another week...yes, it is time. I am not ready, but will I ever be ready? Funny how at the end we are all so ready to NOT be pregnant anymore, but I know this is all I have and I am just not ready to give him back yet. The risks to my health and the fact that he will not benefit from being inside of me anymore are reality right now and I have just a short time to prepare. Bill and I went to go look for an outfit. Some type of preemie outfit and I thought I was ok, until I went into Gymboree and looked at this little shirt that said "baby brother" and well, I was not ok, I kind of had to exit stage left before I lost it. He is just going to be so tiny. We have not told the girls yet, as we are letting them enjoy Thanksgiving, but keep praying we have the right words to help them understand. Before it was possible he may come home for a few days maybe even a few weeks or months, but that is no longer, now we are praying he can make it through labor...it's going to be rough, we know were going into the hospital and we know we don't get to keep him.