Black Friday

Well, I am up and Michael is up too, but we are not shopping, not in the malls anyways. I am trying to come to terms this morning with the doctors orders to induce and when I think it through (and google more...) I know it is the right decision, but I am disappointed I could not somehow make a difference. Get my blood pressure under control, somehome reduce the fluid around him by my diet so he could get a little bigger ~ all irrational I know and yet, this is what I am thinking about. The nasty reality is that if they do not induce, he will likely die inside of me and or I could have a stroke or some type of organ failure. He is breach and all the fluid when it comes out will potentially cause placental abruption. Poor little guy just has everything going against him now. He is so active inside me which suprised the doctors again. They always laugh at him when they are doing the ultrasound because he won't sit still. Funny I don't always feel him, but if I get in the right position, I can usually feel him doing a dance and on ultrasounds he is ALWAYS doing a dance. The ultrasound tech this time was so kind, she immediately asked me his name and then referred to him by name the entire time, very kind and the doctor did the same thing. They see all the Trisomy babies in the area and told us, they really do not see many Trisomy 18 and 13 babies, because most people miscarry in the first trimester. Pray pray pray he does not suffer, I worry most about that, this is my job to make him comfortable. I again asked the doctor at my appointment if he was suffering and he said absolutely not. They are going to have hospice at the delivery to make him comfortable if he is born alive. He is only about 1 lb 10 oz even though I am HUGE, hopefully this is giving him room to lounge for the week. I look like I am full term, which happened in less than a month.

Here is the vanity sneaking out - I always breastfed and I always have the dreaded pooch for a minimum of 6 weeks (ok usually up to a year) and someone ALWAYS asks after I have given birth, when am I due? I am really dreading that and hopefully I will have some magical quick recovery. I know that mothers lose babies, but no one ever thinks it will happen to them. I still am sad and yet, I am prepared on some level. I think of mothers that go full term and lose babies and then have to come home to a nursery and answer questions and so on some strange level, I am blessed to be able to have this time to prepare. I read a lot of forums right now, and most women will tell you they would never test because they would not do anything different and why run the risk? While I understand, I also would rather be prepared, whether it be surgeons or hospice. It's not because we were not willing to take a baby with imperfections, it's because we wanted to give our baby the best chance at life and to know his prognosis gives us the ability to make really tough, but informed decisions.