Gratitude

Yesterday I was listening to Zig Ziglar in person and I was struck by the love of his family. It brought me back to a conversation I had yesterday with my friend Stephanie. She pointed out that God is so present in our lives because she knows me SO well, she knows this is how we made it through our journey. I am not always good at explaining or even knowing how I feel, but immediately I felt gratitude because I know she is right.

About 3 years ago Zig Ziglar fell and suffered a brain injury which affects his short term memory, so he repeats things. Regardless, he is an amazing speaker and still enjoys sharing with people so his daughter now travels with him along with his wife of 63 years and he still makes occasional appearances. The love that family shares is absolutely infectious, but Mr. Ziglar did repeat himself a few times, but what struck me again was what he repeated. He kept speaking of home court advantage - and how gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions and it makes fear disappear. After he said it the second time, his daughter whom was standing next to him on the stage, smiled and said, ok, when he repeats himself usually someone needs to hear what he said and I think she was right, and but certainly not just me. I keep thinking about the gratitude I have for God carrying us and for my family, because clearly my friend is right, there is no way I could walk that road alone. I am certain no one can. I am so blessed to have the family and friends that I have. I am blessed to have had Michael and even though I miss him terribly and would prefer to have in my arms, I have mostly moments of peace, but not regret.

It has been a month tomorrow since Michael died and I have to admit it often seems like it was so long ago and that breaks my heart a little, but the girls talk about him daily. All my maternity clothes have been packed up for weeks and for that I have gratitude. I have not lost my baby weight, but my body is actually back to "normal" again whatever that is :~) For all of these things I have gratitude. To be honest sometimes I hit a brick wall and I can never quite measure why or when because sometimes grief is so unexpected and so uninvited. The women I talk with that have lost there babies keep me and feel my pain, because as many of them have pointed out it is so hard to predict what may trigger moments of grief.