Once in a Blue Moon

Well, honesty is so hard sometimes and not because I want to be dishonest, but because I sometimes just don't want to face reality. I do this a lot. Michael did not bring this about, he has just helped me become more aware of my turtle like ability. For example, I knew that Michael's ashes were ready and they were being delivered this week, actually on Abbi's birthday, but I could not deal with that, not on her birthday. I knew I would forever merge those 2 dates in my head. I did it with Michael's funeral. He was laid to rest on New Years day under a "blue moon". Luckily the blue moon part on New Years eve really does only happen once in a blue moon... I can assure you that I will remember his birthdate, his born into heaven date as we call it in our house and I will silently remember his funeral and the day we bring him home. I told Bill, not on her birthday, her birthday was 2 days ago and I am officially torturing myself over not knowing where he is and not allowing him to be at home with us yet or asking Bill where he is keeping him until his emotional wife is able to cope like a grown up. So, while I am actually doing pretty well, I have some issues I am still working on. The funny part, is that I know Michael is in not here. I know God knew Michael before he was born and that he is at peace, but the mommy in me still wants to take care of him.