The count down...

I have less than a week with Michael so I am going to try to post everything this week, so I don't forget? I can't imagine forgetting, that seems impossible and I hope I do not, but, this is what I feel I need to do.

So today is the beginning of urine collection number 2! Why are they doing this you may ask... well, we asked too. If they are inducing anyways, why does it really matter? This is how I understand it, they are looking to see how well my organs are handling the stress of the pregnancy, specifically this high blood pressure. I have the elevated liver enzymes and now they are checking for signs of kidney failure. There has been no indication of this in my weekly visits so I am assuming it will likely be clear. I am told that they need this as a baseline and the results they received from the hospital were "not complete" whatever that means. Anyways they do not appear to be too concerned which may or may not be good considering they were not concerned about Michael after my level 2 ultrasound and triple screen results. I am concerned that they missed something, well obviously they missed something. What exactly I am concerned about I do not know. I do know that in some cases preeclampsia can show up for up to 6 weeks after you give birth. That is kind of strange since the only remedy for preeclampsia is delivery. This is probably why I do not have M.D. behind my name. I can feel the toll this is taking on my husband right now and it is stressful and making him tired. He is not a good sit around the house kind of guy, actually neither one of us really are, but kids absolutely can not sit around the house and last week they had the entire week off! My friend took them out to lunch one day, my sister in law came over and got them several days last week. She has a baby and pre-schooler of her own so I think perhaps she earned her "I am a saint badge".

I have taken much for granted with my healthy pregnancies and healthy babies. We all do, it is normal. After nine months of pregnancy, raging hormones and weight gain followed by painful deliveries and sleepless nights... I remember coming home with my youngest and thinking I would never get to sleep through the night again. I could barely find time to brush my teeth. Children are miracles, all children. Morgan came into our room last night and was all excited because she saw something on the Internet about a baby living for 2 months with Trisomy 18. My heart sank a little. Mainly because those are not realistic expectations for a preemie baby with Trisomy 18, given the fact that what would be needed to keep a healthy baby alive would not benefit Michael anyways, but also because I was thinking how could she possibly be excited about a mere 2 months and then I realized how insightful that really was. 2 months, in reality any time we could have with him would be a gift. I keep trying to keep everything in perspective - what I really want is what is best for Michael. I don't know what that is, so I have to try to genuinely put my wants aside and pray for what is best for Michael. Every parent certainly understands this, since we can't keep him, please, please, please ~ don't let him suffer.

A note on the Duggars - Ok, who doesn't know who they are? 19 kids??? Seriously amazing - one miscarriage and all healthy children that is amazing! Don't judge me, I am stuck in bed, so I can't help it, sometimes I watch. (OK sometimes I watch Jon and Kate plus eight too ~ shhhh) I digress, initially, when I first saw them I remember thinking, how could anyone have that many kids??? While I could not do it and I can't speak for the future right now, I can say after watching them through my different eyes I am in awe. The mother is genuine and seriously look at her, she does not look tired, she is grateful, I know some of the other kids tag team and people judge them and yet they have a conviction and look at the kids, they seem happy and well adjusted. They appear to manage a whole lot better than I do with my small crew. I wonder why God gave us a child with these problems? Lethal problems? I wonder if He thought we could not handle a viable disability?

I can't help but be sad by the timing of this. Not Michael, but the bed rest part. I cannot do much and it is so frustrating. I can sit at my computer (a little obvious huh?) but I can't get out of bed, so no cooking, no decorating, no laundry or cleaning and although that sounds great, it is piling up and it's not looking pretty. The dogs, however, love it, they get to hang with me all day and they seem pretty happy about that. They do not care what I look like thank goodness...