Waiting for Michael

Here we are, creeping up on the holidays. My mother is here and we finally got the tree up (only breaking a few ornaments) and the girls are so happy. We did not put lights outside, but tonight after church my brother took them across the island to see lights and they are so excited which I am remaining focused on. If they are having fun, I am not "missing" the holidays. Santa has sent them special letters this year with magic reindeer food and to top it off, this is the very last week of school. This will be a Christmas without the hustle and bustle... nevermind, that is not even possible.

My nephew is 4 and he is the best dose of Christmas this year anyway you cut it. He recites his Christmas wish list like it is a poem and the serious facial expressions which I can not remotely convey in writing, are just some of what make him so entertaining. He will tell you stories while scrunching his brow and shaking his head up and down to convince you that Santa is bringing special things to just him and he obviously has a direct line that no one else has, he just does. You can feel the excitement and the magic. My sister in law took his elf hat away for bad behavior (um pee pee in his closet) and you can only imagine the disappointment. It is hard not to be entertained by these things.

Michael is very active right now and even with the extra room he has managed to create, I can tell exactly where he is most of the time. The biggest difference for me in this pregnancy, is that usually by this time, I am just ready to not be pregnant anymore and I am not in a hurry this time. The end is his time, so for me knowing his outcome may be perspective. If I did not know or if Michael was healthy, the nursery would be well under way, the toys and gadgets would be all picked out. It is disapointing and yet I can find peace in so much that seemed impossible before. I feel like I have a job right now to keep him comfortable and I can do that. I am still scared to deliver him. I need to find that same peace, I am working on that...

Thank you for all your very supportive comments, I look for all of them, they really make me happy : ) and I feel like I am not alone or losing my mind.