Magical Elfs

So we have an elf. The girls named him Zeus. I know, I kind of asked them (multiple times) if they were sure they wanted to name him that? Oh yes, his name is Zeus. Ok - Zeus it is! For those of you that do not know, let me give you the quick version. The "Elf on the Shelf" is a special little elf that is purchased, but it is magical. He sits on a shelf or somewhere during the day and watches over the children in the house and at night after the children go to bed, he goes back to the North Pole to report to Santa. Proof of his journey is that every time he returns, he shows up in a new location. Grown ups can communicate with the elf, and the elf can talk to grown ups, Children can talk to the elf but he can not talk back to children. Children also can not touch the elf, if a child touches elf, he loses his magical powers. That about sums it up. The reason I tell you this is because Zeus has been the focus the past few days. One morning he reappeared in a frame over a buffet table and this morning he appeared in our kitchen in a pot rack. Morgan (who can not remember to brush her teeth) wakes up at 6 am in search of Zeus. Abbi, would rather sleep and I can really appreciate that. I think about 5 years ago now, we were moving, and during this move, I found these old roper boots. They had pointy toes and Abbi asked me what they were for and I told her that they were daddy's elf boots. It was an opportunity and I took it. Don't judge me, but it took on a life of its own and while daddy got too big for the north pole, he is still magic. He can still blow on the reindeer food and make it sparkly and magical. He knows details and phone numbers that most parents do not know. He can even reach Santa in the summer. I have heard private conversations between 2 little girls that would make any grown up smile. Serious conversations.

Bill and I went to my regular doctor today - lots and lots of doctors. We listened to Michael's heart and it sounded pretty good today. I am still measuring big and yet lost 2 pounds. I requested a leave of bed rest for Christmas... denied. Oh well it was worth a try. We did go over the birth plan and that is still hard to actually say out loud, please just please make sure he is comfortable, please let him go. I am generally not patient, it is just not in my nature, I am probably not going to change and probably because I have no desire to change. I am waiting for my OB to talk to the Maternal Fetal Specialist (aka Dr. Doogie Howser -I mean that in a good way, we really like him - he just looks too young to be a doctor) and then call us back to let us know what they all suggest as to an induction date. Well, this time I am not in a hurry, I can wait. I have to now decide about the induction. All three of my labors have been without pain medication or epidurals. I am just not sure what I want to do this time, so much about this is uncharted territory. I just do not like needles and the thought of a needle in my back is somewhat disturbing, but then again much of this process has been disturbing.

The heart monitor arrived and the girls had a blast listening to him move all over the place. They had to chase him a little and then of course they had to listen to their heart as well. Who would have thought a heart monitor could be SO much fun? You can tell when Morgan is excited she skips. It is bittersweet to hear him. Abbi listened and was excited and Morgan asked questions. She does not understand why we aren't getting things for Michael. She asked me if anyone was going to buy him a Christmas present or have a shower. I have been honest with her and we have tried to prepare her, but how do you really prepare? I can't seem to prepare myself, let alone them. We will all manage to find Joy. Bill picked out a stocking for Michael and he has his own angel stocking holder and the stocking says Joy! It is so sweet.

I was talking with a friend of mine this afternoon and she is getting ready to do IVF in a few months. She is "advanced maternal age" and this will be her first. She was talking to me about her fears, fear of autism and the lifestyle changes of having a child and I completely understood.  I was trying to put myself in her shoes though and I couldn't. She told me they were having second thoughts about having children because autism was something they could not test for, she said obviously if there were any genetic anomalies they would terminate right away (& I understood this). I listened and again, I tried to understand and then I realized, I just couldn't comprehend where she was on many levels. I realized that while I was not judging or even disagreeing, I am just in a different place right now. It is faith over fear at this point for me. I think the reason I am contemplating this conversation in my head is because I feel a little role reversal. This put me in a different position, a position that I had an actual opinion about. Mainly because, things go wrong, life happens, genetically perfect children die, but without risks would mean not having children and for me, that would be sad. It occurs to me sometimes it is just difficult to not have opinions. So, with that, I will try to be more understanding of peoples opinions of us because maybe just maybe God is showing me that I should not assume all people have the same thought process I do. I want happiness for her and no regrets, so that is how I will pray.  I am not tortured by carrying Michael, someone else may be. Even Bill and I fear different things. I fear not seeing Michael's eyes and Bill fears seeing him alive only to lose him.