It is time for me to go to the doctor - my regular OB/GYN doctor. Now this seems pretty normal, but as I look back and remember last year I realize I have not dealt with some of my feelings. I have some bitterness towards my doctors. We chose comfort care for Michael - meaning no extraordinary measures were to be taken and I was pretty high risk because of my blood pressure and excess fluid he was creating because he was not swallowing well. I just never felt very important given what was going on and I know they have a very busy practice but I called a few times and it would be days before anyone would return a call. They never did my glucose test or any non stress tests. Now, I will grant you I was certainly a little sensitive, but it was kind of like he wasn't going to make it anyways so really I was wasting their time. She quit doing ultrasounds and although normally I could understand, I knew from another friend of mine that was carrying a baby with similar problems she did an ultrasound often for her, so it was maybe a little jealousy but it was all I had. Even after Michael was born I had a migraine for a few days and called to see if they could help and no call back for several days. If ever I have felt unimportant - it was then. Whew! Ok perhaps I am harboring a little teensy resentment...
So today I needed to make an appointment and I decided it was time to change doctors... I picked up the phone a dozen times, but everytime I went to make that call my fingers would not work. Tomorrow is another day and tomorrow my fingers will work...
Thanks Shannon for my picture from A Walk to Remember!
