Out of the mouth of a Morgan

So it is Sunday morning and I am writing this fairly quickly because I am literally in between dropping the kids off at church class and going back to retrieve them... This morning as I was brushing Morgan's hair to go to church she started talking about Michael. Now please understand that Michael comes up on a daily basis, but Morgan, when she wants to talk about anything, she takes it to a whole new level. She is my talker, my questioner and virtually relentless in her quest no matter what it is. She wanted to go to her savings account and get all her money to donate to the American Heart Association in Michael's name so that maybe other babies with his condition (she knew he had problems with his heart) would not have to die. She then asked if she could hold him in heaven and what he would look like and (this child can talk...) she wanted to know if she would recognize him in heaven and if he would recognize her and if I was going to be cremated or buried and then she proceeded to tell me that maybe we would see Michael here again because, maybe he would be here for the rapture... then she wanted to know what would have happened if they would have drained the fluid around him instead of breaking my water... She really is something but this is all pretty normal for her, but what she did say and it really struck me as very important (it is all important, but if you were talking with Morgan you would truely understand most of her questions are matter of fact, she is really just asking).

So this next zinger I did not even have to read between the lines, she said, "Mommy, I am really glad you are not really really sad anymore." I said, "Of course you know I miss Micheal, and I will never forget him?" She said, "Yes, but mommy I was worried that if you were really, really sad, that God would come take you to be with Michael." Now the reason I write this is because - I feel so blessed to be surrounded by these very important reminders. You see sometimes, I feel very guilty for not being more "sad". I do grieve and I think of him everyday and sometimes it does make me cry, but for the most part, I am happy. So, this was my gift today. My moments of peacefullness through all of this have made their journey a little easier and in turn that makes me a little more peaceful...