A NEW kind of nesting

I remember when my first child was born.  All those years ago, I remember everything being ready to bring her home and sitting quietly in her room dreaming of what it would be like.  I remember that quiet as if it were yesterday, it was bliss.  Clothes were washed and put away perfectly.  It is a little different this time.  I am actually going through clothes, but not baby clothes.  I have some sort of internal struggle going on right now, knowing I should prepare and wanting to prepare and being afraid to prepare.  Other mommy's I have talked with that have experienced that kind of loss seem to have similar feelings.  It is a strange place to be because these rainbow babies hold a very special  place in this world and it is certainly not that we are not excited ~ because that is so far from the truth, but perhaps it is out of fear or maybe it is because I now know the stuff is not nearly as important as the package we ultimately get to bring home.  I think somehow I am trying to protect my heart.  As if coming home with out a baby after bonding with him inside of me under any circumstance would be made easier because I did not have stuff...  Silly brain, it is impossible to turn it off.  With Michael, I know that coming home and not being pregnant and not having any reminders around the house actually in some ways made it harder.  That quiet.  Knowing it should not be quiet...that was not bliss.

Our Rainbow...

Ok I am going to give this a whirl because that US tech was so nice I want to share with you.  The umbilical cord is up by his head and he is kind of folded up like a taco, so some of it looks distorted, but he has his daddy's lips that is a for sure!!! 

Well it is bedrest again...

So I have been confined to the parameters of my bed (again) and so I write...  Yesterday my blood pressure went through the roof! It was in the neighborhood of 157/115 so I had to go to the hospital to be monitored and for labs, but in reality its not so bad because (a little happy dance here) I had no bad stuff in my labs (like protein- so my kidneys are working properly) and just getting off my feet made it drop to 120/65 within about an hour without medicine, so we are good, just a little extra time to do nothing.  The other good news is he looks great and I got to see a 3D ultrasound and he really looks like his daddy.  He has the same pouty lips.  I wish I knew how to put the pictures up (I will work on that later).  So I am a little nervous I am not going to lie, he is breech and I know he can move, but we are getting close now.  I am completely not prepared for our new addition thinking I still had plenty of time, but I did order cradle bedding.  Nothing for the crib yet, but we will get there.  Here is a picture of his cradle bedding...